IVF Take 2!!!

This is well overdue, but in the spirit of completion, I am compelled to share the wonderful news.  IVF cycle #2 worked!!!  Here's our photo:

We did an Antagonist cycle with the following meds:

Cetrotide

Gonal F

Menopur

Generic HCG trigger

Z Pack

Medrol

Vivelle Dot patches

Crinone progesterone

Baby aspirin

I added pineapple (including the core) and lots of relaxation.  My official beta blood test isn't until Thursday, December 30, but the home test is proof positive. 

Praise God!!!!!!!!!!

The results

Most, if not all of you now know that my first IVF didn't work.  We transferred two beautiful, almost perfect embryos on day 3, but the result was negative.  I don't have a lot of humor and clever writing to share, but we are forging ahead with cycle #2 immediately!

I'll try to post more frequently for those of you interested.

Immature eggs

I'm pretty much on cloud nine after hearing about my 11 eggs and just KNOW that they'll all be perfectly wonderful and beautiful and fertilized and growing like weeds.  (insert record scratching noise here) And then Suzanne calls.  Later than promised and not sounding good.  My eggs, despite their perfectly sized follicles, are immature!  She's rarely seen this and has no explanation.

Thank GOD I asked for the split ICSI because none of them fertilized naturally, and six fertilized with ICSI.  But they didn't look great and she wouldn't know anything until the next afternoon. More than 24 hours must pass before I learn the status of my wonderful little eggs that I worked so hard on.  If they don't grow, then I have completely wasted the last 6 weeks of my life with birth control pills, shots, craziness, moodiness, excitement, hope, optimism....My cycle would be over and I would start all over again.

Please oh please God, let my embryos grow.  Let them grow as nicely as the weeds that take over my flower garden every year.  Let them grow as quickly as the hairs on my legs.  Let them grow at record speed so I can hold on to my hope for my IVF miracle baby.  Was He listening to my prayers?  Yes!  God was listening and my embies had grown to perfect 4 cell, grade 4 and 4+ (out of a 1-5 scale with 5 being the best) embryos ready to transfer into my uterus.  I've made it through so many levels of this process and now I get to the final step of transfer.  Praise God!!

Retrieval Day

My egg retrieval was scheduled for Wednesday, November 3, 2010.  I was told I had approximately 20 follicles, so I was hoping for a high number of eggs retrieved.  Here's how it went:

I arrived at the Mobile Infirmary at 8:00 a.m.  I couldn't figure out what to wear for the big day!  I think I changed clothes a few times and finally settled on some comfy linen shorts and my new ruffled sweat shirt.  I arrive and check in and wait.  The check in area was full of people, all were significantly older than me, but I was feeling mostly calm and excited about the procedure.  I get called back and change into a cute hospital gown complete with blue booties for my feet.  The nurse starts my IV (which didn't hurt too bad, but I don't like it in my bony hand, I like it inside my elbow) and the wait begins.  Joe's being kinda pissy because work things are stressing him out so we had a minor tiff, but it resolved itself after I put the smack down on him and told him to straighten up!

The Embryologist, Suzanne, comes back to say hello and says we'll be doing all natural fertilization.  I had read on my message board about a girl who had 20 eggs retrieved and none of them fertilized, so I was terrified of that happening to me.  I asked Suzanne if we could do a 50/50 split with natural and ICSI (google it) and she agreed.  Dr. Inge (not my regular RE) would be doing the procedure.  I was slightly disappointed because I love my Dr. K, but Dr. Inge is super nice and began educating Joe and me on myosis.  I haven't heard that word since 4th grade biology!

A few moments later, Suzanne has an unfamiliar DUDE with her who happens to be the Crinone (a drug I'm taking) representative (i.e. sales guy) and asks if he can observe.  At this point, so many folks have seen my tootie, I don't really care anymore, so I say sure. 

They roll me back to the surgery room and move me over onto the main surgery table.  I'm starting to feel a little loopy, but I'm still coherent and realize they're strapping my arms down on each side.  Yikes!  That freaked me out for about 2 seconds and then I was OUT.  La la land for me until I woke up in recovery with some pretty strong menstrual type cramps.  I was crying a little too, not sure if it was from the anesthesia or the cramps.  Unfortunately, for this surgery, the good drugs were out of the question.  They very generously offered me Tylenol.  Tylenol??!!!  What the hell is that going to do for these monster cramps I'm having?!  The nurse told me (very sweetly) that I would just have to grin and bear it because they don't like to give narcotics for IVF egg retrieval.  So that's what I did.  Bear it, but no grinning.

I immediately wonder how many eggs they retrieved and was slightly disappointed to learn it was only 11, but that was still considered a great number, so I was happy.  Can't wait to hear more about their growth!

I'm beginning to feel a little more normal and awake, so I drink some sprite, eat some crackers and off I go.  But not before Joe brings me a super duper cute stuffed white kitty that looks like my Lu!  A snuggle buddy for me until the baby comes along and I guess I'll share then.

I get home, sleep the day away, take some more Tylenol and pretty much lie around for two days.  By the third day I'm back at it, selling credit card machines! 

Retrieval Eve

I have my egg retrieval tomorrow morning at 9:30 and I am so ready.  I've been feeling pretty normal up until today.  I actually think it's more exciting than Christmas Eve!  My ovaries started hurting and I can't stand up straight.  I'm walking like a little old lady all hunched over because it feels better than my normal upright stance.  Here are my results two days before retrieval:

Right ovary: 5 follicles ranging 8.0 - 17.8
Left ovary: 15 follicles ranging 9.9 - 21
Estrogen: 2986
LH: 1.3
Lining: 8.6

Day before retrieval results:
Estrogen: 4481
HCG 227

These are very good numbers so I hope we get lots of perfect eggs tomorrow!

Please say lots of prayers for Joe and me tomorrow.  I'll post as soon as I'm up and about.

Love,
Lindsey

Sex Toys and Stimulation

I have discovered an AWESOME new name for my ultrasounds.....dildocam!  The ultrasound wand looks just like a phallic adult toy at your favorite local adult novelty store.  And to make matters cooler, it has a cute little condom over it.  Before the Dr. came in the room, I scavenged the cabinets for the box because I couldn't believe they bought cases of Trojans to cover the ultrasound wand.  The very sterile medical looking box says "ultrasound sheaths."  Too bad for Trojan, they coulda made some real $$$ on the infertile folks. Unfortunately for me, the dildocam isn't quite as fun as a real sex toy.  Not that I would know anything about that. 

On Tuesday I had a date with dildocam and a crabby redheaded nurse (who always seems to want to stick needles in me!) which was day 5 of my "stimming."  That means 5 days of taking injections that stimulate your ovaries to grow.  Here are my results:

Right ovary: 3 follicles
Left ovary: 11 follicles
Estrogen level: 291
Endometrium lining: 5.9

These results are very good according to Dr. K and Dr. Google.  I go back in tomorrow and that's when the real growth should occur.  Here's hoping for giant ovaries that make me look 6 months pregnant!  Come on bloated belly! (in my best craps dice throwing voice)

Strangest places I've done my shots

Maybe I'll start a list of strange places I've given myself shots.  This morning was in my former neighbor's garage.  Here's how it went:

We moved from our old neighborhood about three weeks ago.  We had tons of yard sale junk and didn't want to move it with us, nor did we want to put it in our storage unit.  Solution:  the house next door to ours was in foreclosure and no one had been in the house for months.  There was a nice big garage just waiting for our junk. Our treasures have been living in this garage for almost a month. This morning, we were finally able to drag our lazy booties out of bed and head over to the old 'hood for the yard sale.

8:00 a.m., "tresspassing" in the foreclosure home's garage/driveway, just enough time for two quick injections in garage and off we go! Our customers seemed happy and the nosy neighbors didn't seem too angry with our shananigans.  Three hours, two injections and $135 dollars later, we're back home in time for the Auburn/LSU game.  Now THAT'S what I call a productive Saturday.

Hellllloooo Normal!

Praise God I'm feeling pretty normal again today!  Maybe I had some intense PMS or maybe it really was the Lupron, but today I'm feeling less homicidal and more Lindsey-like (i.e. sweet and wonderful).  I told Joe about my violent thoughts and apologized for being a maniacal, moody bitch the past few days.  I asked if he had noticed and his response...."no comment."  Okay, I guess I deserved that. Especially since my biggest outburst was due to Joe putting garlic salt on my scrambled eggs.  Who does that???!!!

Things are going along just as planned and minus the "difficult" weekend, I'm still feeling quite good.  I start my stimulation drugs on Friday.  These will make my ovaries work quadruple time and produce up to 25 eggs!  That amazes me, considering you only produce one egg each month under normal conditions.  This is the most time consuming part of the process because I have to have an ultrasound and bloodwork almost every day for the next two weeks.  Thank goodness my job has so much flexibility and I basically make my own schedule.

One quick funny (or sad) story for ya.  I had a little work emergency this morning and had to rush to a restaurant to help with a problem they were having.  But I hadn't taken my shot yet!  I can't just pull it out of the fridge and take it....remember the cold stinging part I mentioned earlier?  So I got my syringe ready and let it warm up on the passenger seat of my car.  The whole drive over to the restaurant I kept thinking I would get pulled over and the cop would question why I had a loaded syringe in my seat.  I was visualizing myself crying and explaining, "It's just Lupron, officer.  You know, the drug that prevents my pituitary gland from secreting LH?  If I produce LH then I ovulate and that ruins my entire $15,000 in vitro fertilization cycle Sir. It's for my INFERTILITY Mr. Officer.  Please don't take me to jail over my infertility."

Lucky for me, I didn't get pulled over.  But I did hike up my dress and inject myself in the stomach at a RED LIGHT on my way to fix my merchant's credit card machine.  I guess I can add that little tale to my list of funny/embarrassing/ridiculous IVF stories.

Good while it lasted

The symptom free days of Lupron are over.  Most hours of the day I feel like I want to poke somebody's eyeballs out.  I have never been so irritable in my life!  The Lupron puts your body in a menopause-like state, so I have a newfound respect for ladies who suffer through this for years.  I am either dripping with sweat or freezing cold at night.  I just want to crawl back into bed and watch TV. 

The Spanish Inquisition

Apparently the word's out at my RE's office.  I'm a question asker.  I'm an Internet researcher.  GASP!

Joe and I had our embryology class today to learn all about the intricacies of IVF from the self proclaimed "spermologist" (the Ph.D. Lab Director and woman in charge of my eggs and Joe's swimmers.)  She said she had been warned about me.  MOI??!!  What did I do???!!!  I pride myself in being a well informed, educated patient. This is the most important thing I've EVER done and by God I'm going to research the hell out of it!  I swear I'm not one of those obnoxious patients who questions everything the Dr. does.  I don't brag about my knowledge or suggest the experts may be wrong.  I simply want to know more.  I want details explained.  I want to know why you're doing this and why not that.  If you're looking at an ultrasound screen, I want to know what you see.  If you're measuring the length of my tootie, I want to know how long it is.  If you say we are great candidates for IVF, I want a list of traits.  Is that wrong?

When Suzanne (the spermologist) first shared my office reputation, I was instantly offended.  I felt like everyone had been talking behind my back and I was some kind of freak show.  I was THAT girl.  The more time that passed, I realized SHE was just THAT kind of girl.  Pretty funny actually, kinda curt, VERY smart, but not meaning any harm.  I stayed after class to reiterate the importance I place on knowledge and Suzanne comforted me.  She promised no one had said my inquisitiveness was a bad thing.  They simply said I ask a lot of questions.  And I do. 

Of all the items on my worry list, I'm going to make that number nine thousand,nine hundred and ninety nine.

Boring post

I'm getting to be quite the expert at giving myself shots.  I have my little routine down pat.  Draw up medication in syringe, lay on counter to warm up, eat bowl of cereal, go back and inject medication.  This morning I even gave myself the shot while on the telephone with my sweet friend Rita.  We were laughing and I had to tell her to stop making me giggle because I was trying to give myself a shot.  That made us laugh even more!

Day 4 of Lupron injections and the side effects I've experienced are pretty mild.  I've had a few light headaches, a little sleepiness (or maybe I'm just lazy) and a few night sweats.  The injection site also itches a little bit after the shot.  Otherwise, all is well in the IVF world.

Sorry for the boring update, I just had to write something so ya'll don't worry about me.  Life is good!

Lots of adipose!

I'm a day late posting about my first injection, but it went perfectly!  I took the Lupron out of the refrigerator, drew up my 15 units in the syringe and let it sit on the counter top to come to room temperature.  I've heard it can sting if it's still cold.  I then sit back and wait.  I'm waiting for my dear friend Suzanne to come over and help me.  I'm not sure what kind of help I'll need, because honestly, I wasn't that nervous. 

Until the doorbell rings.  I look down and my hand is shaking a little bit, but in my mind, I'm feeling pretty brave.  I ask my nurse friend her professional opinion on what spot hurts the least.  I can either inject myself in the thigh, the back of my arm, or in my belly.  I pull up my shirt and Suzanne says, "Oh, you have lots of adipose in your stomach, so you should do it there."  My response: "Adipose?  Do you mean FAT?  Are you calling me FAT??!!"  ;-)  I've never before been so glad to have a fat belly.  Does that mean I should bring on the Cheetos for the next few weeks?

I pinch a chunk of my adipose, jab the needle in quickly and pull it out even quicker.  It didn't hurt a BIT!  The adipose pinching hurt more than anything!  I DID IT!  My first injection ever and it was easy! 

A short while later I was feeling a little dizzy and pretty sleepy, so I laid down and took a two hour nap.  Hopefully it wasn't the medicine causing this because I've got to take this for 3 more weeks and can't afford a two hour nap every day!  That was the only side effect I've felt so far.  I hope this continues!

I'm off to take Lupron injection number two.  It's been warming on my kitchen countertop as I write this post.  See ya'll again tomorrow!

My drugs

Just in case you were DYING to see my drugs and the size of the needles I'll be using, here's a photo for your gawking/gasping/shocking entertainment.  I also learned yesterday that I'll be giving myself up to FOUR injections per day over the next several weeks.  Oh happy day.

DRUGS, NEEDLES, SYRINGES OH MY!

I kinda feel like a drug addict.  Or maybe a diabetic.  I came home today to a refrigerator full of drugs.  And I mean the whole top shelf of my new french door refrigerator is stacked with boxes of drugs that cost.....(drum roll here).... $4500!  Dear RBS WorldPay:  THANK YOU for paying for my drugs minus a couple hundred dollars.  My career change is turning out to be pretty darn sweet!

I got all my drugs and spread them out in the living room.  My first thought was holy cow....I have to inject all this stuff into me.  My second thought was, I feel so sorry for people who will never be able to have a baby because they can't afford these medications.  It's extremely hard to imagine how a tiny vial of liquid can cost $1000.   I guess there are no commercials for infertility drugs like the ones for impotence and osteoporosis.  No Sally Fields or Bob Dole reassuring you that if you just inject these drugs in your stomach 4 times a day then you too will become a mommy! "Side effects include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, weight gain, irritability and depression if/when it doesn't work."

I had my 2nd injection class today with two other couples.  I felt some weird emotions during my class.  First of all, Joe wasn't able to attend the class with me.  I was okay with that because he won't be doing my injections, I am doing that.   One couple looked so very poor.  I know that sounds cruel of me to say, but they were wearing raggedy clothes, the fella reeked of cigarette smoke and they both looked like their hair hadn't seen a bottle of shampoo in a few weeks.  The guy (husband?) kept cracking jokes about how he was going to jab the needles in his poor wife and give her extra shots. He was making weird sound effects and talked in different voices/accents.  She somehow thought that was funny and they giggled the entire duration (2.5 hours) of the class.  I'm all about injecting (pun intended) some humor in difficult situations, but this was straight up inappropriate.  I also could hardly stand the stench of stale cigarette smoke!  Okay, now I feel guilty for judging people.  I apologize for being mean.

Couple number two was all business.  I felt sad for them because they looked to be many years older than me.  They HAD to be mid 40's.  I know how much pressure I feel at 35.  I can usually hear a miniature old timey clock ticking in the background whenever I start thinking about my fertility, or lack thereof.  Imagine being in your 40's and wanting a baby.  I don't think the lady smiled once.  Her husband took an active role in learning how to inject, so I was impressed with that. 

So there's my update for today.  I take my first shot on Friday and my wonderful nurse friend Suzanne is coming over to help me with my first one.  God bless you Suzanne! 

 

Women are from Venus, Men are......

Yep, they're from Mars alright.  Sometimes I wonder what the heck Joe is thinking.  (Except I usually think hell instead of heck, but I'm trying to be less of a potty mouth)  I thought I would share a little conversation we had the other night with my lovely and devoted blog followers.  This would be the time for consoling if you feel compelled.  At least make me feel better by dogging your hubby too.

We're lying in bed Sunday night and I told Joe that this was going to be a super stressful time for me and he had to promise to be extra sweet and understanding.  Of course he swears he's already extra sweet and understanding.  Really?  Is there not ANY room for improvement?  Considering that I'll be SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE STOMACH WITH NEEDLES FOR THE NEXT MONTH, do you think you could muster a little something extra?  So he promises he'll "do better."  That's about as lame as when you're 10 and you ask your Daddy if you can go to the fair and he says, "We'll see."  Of course that means hell no...I mean heck no.  Come on Joe!  Gimme your word!  In my fantasy, Joe will say, "Certainly I will be super duper sweet my beautiful Baby Love!  I will give you daily back and foot rubs, bring home Rocher chocolates, empty the litterbox and do all the laundry."  Is that too much to ask?  Did I mention I will be stabbing myself with giant needles over the next month?

No other IVF update today.  Feeling pretty normal on the birth control.  Doesn't it seem weird to take birth control pills to get yourself pregnant?  Talk about ironical!

Happy Day!

Can I BE any busier? (in my best Chandler voice)

Life is just crazy, let me put that out there.  I've always thought I crumbled under pressure, but I seem to be thriving.  What's up with that?!  Here's what's on my plate:

• New job (includes training, lots of reports, lots of reading, lots of webinars and a good bit of driving around Baldwin county...have I mentioned I love my new boss?)
• Packing my house (how can it take an entire day to pack my office closet? I hope Mamma is still planning to help this week....)
• Paperwork for new house and lot (jeesh I'm sick of paperwork, contracts and phone calls!)
• I found a cute rental house today, but boy is it tiny.  3 bedrooms and 2 baths never seemed so small.  On the flipside, the yard seemed disproportionately large.  Joe won't appreciate that when it comes time for yardwork.  Sucks to be him. 
• Fixing all things broken as agreed upon in home inspection.  How did we go 4 years with broken glass in the door and never fix it??!!
• Did I gain a pound overnight?  I guess wine and sushi does that.  Note to self:  no more wine and sushi.

Wasn't this blog supposed to be dedicated to my IVF??!  I'm happy to report, nothing is new today.  No tests, no bloodwork, not even the infamous ultrasound.  I talked briefly with my IVF coordinator, Sabrina, and all things are on schedule.  My FSH (google it) is 6, which is perfect.  My estrogen is also perfect.  That's what continues to baffle me, all tests are basically normal and we need medical intervention to have a baby.  Joe keeps suggesting we meet at a bar, get rip roaring drunk and go to a hotel for a "hookup."  If only it were that easy....

Infertility does not make me weak, it makes me stronger!

The medical community defines infertility as the inability to become pregnant after 6 months of trying to conceive (otherwise known as TTC) if you're over 35.  I'm 35 and one month old.  I am infertile.  Interestingly or perhaps ironically, I am not in tears as I write this statement.  I have definitely shed my share of tears over the past 16 months, but as of today, I am more hopeful than sad.  I can even joke about my inadequate reproductive status sometimes, so feel free to comment/console/question accordingly.

Today starts my IVF journey to become a mommy.  I had my very first cycle day 3 blood work and ultrasound this Sunday morning at 8:15.  I didn't even know Drs. worked on Sundays!  In the infertility world, ultrasounds are either "tooty" or "nontooty."  Okay, that's just my description, the Dr. really doesn't schedule me for a tooty ultrasound.  Tooties are the ones where they put the ultrasound wand in your...uhh....hoo ha, versus the traditional ones on your belly.  Now that we've cleared that up, please excuse my blatant disregard for propriety throughout my blogging journey.  If I have to forfeit my modesty, then you have to read about it.

According to Dr. Koulianos (otherwise known as Dr. K, the Reproductive Endocrinologist) my uterus and ovaries are better than average, but have a few extra follicles.  I've always considered myself an overachiever, so I was pretty proud of that.  He then explained that extra follicles could be a bad thing and that may be why I haven't gotten pregnant yet.  Hmmph!  So much for excellence!  I've always only had female Ob/Gyns, so I was kinda embarrassed this morning when Dr. K (a DUDE) was poking around down there, but my excitement over the whole process prevailed and I was glad to have the expert in my nether regions.  I guess Joe is *truly* the expert, but you know what I mean.  ;-)

Here's what will happen over the next 9 weeks:

1. Birth control for one month to "quiet my system and make it do what Dr. K wants it to do."
2. Lots of injections (i.e. shots) with medication that stimulates my ovaries to work in overdrive and produce bunches and bunches of eggs.  The more the better!
3. Retrieval of those eggs in an outpatient surgery procedure under anesthesia.  (Drugs are cool....mmmkay)
4. Fertilize the eggs with Joe's swimmers in a petri dish
5. Transfer of no more than two of the now embryos back into the uterus (through the tooty)
6. Wait for two weeks to find out if it worked!
7. Rinse and repeat (hopefully not necessary!!)

My goal is to blog daily about my thoughts and feelings going through this process.  I'll also post updates to keep you apprised of my progress.  I am a firm believer in prayer, so if you could add me to your prayer list, I would most appreciate it.  If you're a finger crosser, I'll take that too please.

Love,

Lindsey